April 5th, 2013
One week before my Surgery. All I am thinking about is how am I going to miss work and not get a paycheck. I have to heal quickly. I have to get the house in order I have to pay some bills I have to do some grocery shopping for the kids. Ugghhh Where do I start? Plus, I need to get some workouts in since I cannot work out for a while. Workingout always destresses me and makes me feel calm.
Friends and family want to get together on Sunday for a potluck and Volleyball. I am so ready for that. I have amazing friends and family and love to spend time with them.
Much needed time and that way I am not thinking about what is going on.
April 10th, 2013
Two days before my surgery. I get a call from the Nurses office of my daughters school, she is feeling faint and like she is going to through up. She cannot hold her head up very well. I am at work trying to do some catch up before I have to have my surgery. I called my mother in law to see if she can pick Aly up and take her home and I will go on my lunch and check up on her. Of course she can. She is so helpful and I am so grateful she is in my life.
Then true to my Chaotic life... I get a call from my oldest daughters school that she had a siezure and it lasted 6 minutes! Her longest yet. I rush to the school and find out she had not been taking her meds and therefore she had a seizure! I am angry at her I want to take her and shake her and scream in her face. But..... I hold her and kiss her and tell her I love her. I will talk with her after she has had some rest. I take her home and cannot contain myseld because she is coming out of it an dis alert. I scream to her that she has to take her medication that she loses so much oxygen when she does not breathe for that long period of time, I beg her to please not put me through this. THen I do it! I through my sickness in her face maybe reality will do it. I start to cry and tell her do you realize I would give anyuthing to be able to take a pill and make CANCER go away? Do you get that that is all you have to do?! She cries and tells me how sorry she is and she iwll be better about it.
We arrive home and I find my youngest daughter Aly on the floor in my bathroom throwing up and pale and weak. I call work. Not coming in. I clean Aly up and teh bathroom pur her to bed.... Go get Peyton and take her to bed. Pull her hair out of her face and lay her down kiss her tell her I love her to the Moon and get some rest. I go back to my room and lay with Aly... I rub her back and hold her hair as she gets sick at the side of the bed. She has finally fallen asleep and I get up because now I have so much to take care of. I clean and disinfect the entire house. All the laundry is done. The groceries are bought and stocked! I get on the treadmill for a while to just think.
April 11th, 2013
The day before surgery, Prepare some meals, finsih up the little stuff at home. I did make it to work. Filing and binders all done. Bids sent out. Calls made. I am officially caught up at home and work. I go home to rest. I get to and it was nice. My thoughts are not "Why me"? They honestly are "Why now?" My kids are still needing me My son ANthony is 18 graduating this year; Daughter Peyton is 16; Daughter Alyx is 13.
Friday, April 19, 2013
My Mother My Friend My Hero My Cancer Partner
I was born on June 29th, 1974 on my mothers 20th birthday. She is 58 I am 38. I look like her and act like her and feel we are just one in the same.
Well February of this year she was sitting at a table with friends and us girls, her daughters, drinking wine and enjoying the company. She had a distracted face and she had been feeling her right breast. We asked what was wrong and she stated she felt something a lump and it hurt. This was Friday. We told her not to worry and that she needs to call the Dr first thing on Monday. She was very vigilant about checking and doing self exams. She had checked it on Thursday and there was nothing and now there was something. We all tried to be strong and make her believe that it was nothing she needs not to worry. She had a mammogram that following week then an ultrasound. Me my mom and my three sisters were in the room when they told her it looked malignant and needed a biopsy ASAP. We stood there stunned and cried and sobbed with her. She kept saying “no not cancer! Not me please god not me!” we were still trying to be optimistic for her. She had her biopsy and it was confirmed she had cancer. We were devastated. We did not know what to do. What was she going to do how was she going to handle this. She has to make it she is MOM! It grew in her breast each day and they needed to take it from her. All I thought was please god help my mom through this, make her strong, and guide her through this. She needs help and understanding of why this is happening to her.
Back to the day she found out it was cancer I decided to do a self exam, and there it was a lump on my left breast. I froze. It was and felt like a lemon seed. Hard and small and did not move. My mom’s cancer was big and soft and moved. It had to be a cyst! God please let it be a cyst. I thought this cannot be happening to my family. They are already going through to much. I ran in the living room and had my sister feel it and she said yes get it checked ASAP. I called the Doctor the next morning. I then had a mammogram, which by the way hurt me more than the biopsy; some say it does not hurt mine did; I have implants and they pulled and tugged and smashed and hated it; They scheduled her partial mastectomy to remove the Cancer and any lymph nodes for testing on March 7th, 2013. That day I was scheduled for my ultrasound. Then BAM! They said it looked malignant and needed a biopsy to confirm. So here I am with this news as my mom is getting prepared for surgery. Do I tell her? Do I wait? She will know the minute I walk in her room and how do I not see her before surgery and hug and kiss her and tell her I love her and how proud I am of her. Well I called it. I walked in she said what did they say I said hey momma today is about you and we will sit and talk after your recovery. She said you have cancer don’t you? I said they think so but no worries I think they are wrong. She smiled squeezed my hand and said you got this we got this! Be strong. Here is my mother with IVs in her and she looks more beautiful than I have ever seen her. Her smile trying to make me feel better and she kissed me and said you are going to be okay baby girl. Why was she comforting me when she was going through so much! Not fair! But as they say Cancer does not discriminate. I believe god only gives us as much as we can handle and he must think we are pretty freaking strong!
She came out 2 hours later and looked like she came from a Spa treatment. She was refreshed and happy and came through like a champ! They took all her cancer and 6 lymph nodes from her right breast. She survived!!
I scheduled my biopsy and still in my mind thought “this is a cyst and they are just taking precautions” the Dr doing the biopsy said that it looked closer to a cyst but had to wait for the pathologists test. It was 9mm long and right up against my skin. They were only able to get ½ out.
On March 21st 2013 the Drs office called me to come in they had the results. I was alone because I did not want to burden anyone and truly talked myself into thinking it was just a cyst. As the Doctor said it “your test came back abnormal, you have cancer” it is called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC). I was silent, I was motionless, I thought about my kids my husband and my hero my mom.
We scheduled my surgery for April 12th, 2013.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)